These Advice from My Dad That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who often internalise damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - going on a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."